MARINE CORPS BASE CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. -- The Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton Provost Marshals Office responded to at least 47 domestic disturbances in July. The duty desk sergeant said he sees about two or three per day.
Many married Marines find they can’t leave the fighting on the battlefield and conclude that the only way to reach a ceasefire is divorce.
The Camp Pendleton Joint Legal Assistance Office hands out about 20 to 25 divorce packets each day.
“I’ve handed out 10 packages today and it’s not even noon yet,” said Lance Cpl. David P. Ness, legal clerk, JLAO, Camp Pendleton.
Marital problems are a concern for mission readiness. Service members who are contemplating what to do about their relationship or anticipating an argument as soon as they walk through their front door are distracted from their duties and mission.
“Anytime there is a marital problem between a Marine and their spouse, it affects the Marine’s readiness for the unit mission,” said Elizabeth M. Hancock, family readiness officer, Assault Amphibian School Battalion, Camp Pendleton. “The Marine will not be 100 percent focused on the mission. Their concerns will be with the spouse and family.
“The same goes for the spouse,” she added. “They will be caught up with the marital problem, which may cause them not to fully concentrate on the complete needs of the family.”
There are many circumstances that can contribute to marital problems within military families. Navy Lt. Ted B. Leenerts, protestant chaplain, Marine Memorial Chapel, Camp Pendleton, said some of the common obstacles he has helped couples work through are the adjustment to married life, the transition into military life, financial struggles, deployments, deployment work ups, long work hours and other events and circumstances that spike stress.
“(Sometimes) Marines pull into the drive way and don’t ‘turn off’ the Marine Corps,” Leenerts said, after explaining how the Marine warrior mindset can create marital tension. “They need to ‘flick the switch’ and become the husband and father or the mother and wife.”
Marriage takes daily maintenance. The hardships that come with military service put a strain on relationships.
“Deployments and any kind of long term separation have always stressed marriages,” said Navy Lt. Edward A. Waldron, deputy director, CREDO, Camp Pendleton.
Waldron said that Dr. John Gottman, executive director, Relationship Research Institute, found in his research that couples in strong marriages have a detailed “love map.” They know each other's passions, hobbies, key relationships and so on.
The long separations from deployments disrupt the love map and disconnect lives. It takes time to reconstruct this map and for the couple to redevelop a connection.
These multiple stressors accumulate. Marines tend to wait until the situation has peaked into a crisis before they “surrender” into seeking help, Leenerts said.
Service members are encouraged to know when their home life needs repair and, before the situation becomes unmanageable, to find the best resource for their family.
For this reason, the Marine Corps and civilian organizations both provide resources to service members struggling with marital problems.
This story is the first part of a two-part series. Part 2 identifies resources designed to help service members and their spouses improve their marriages. Read “Wedding woes for GI Joes, part 2” for the conclusion.